And I apologize in advance for the stream-of conscience format of this post.

Sometimes you’re just stuck in a rut and you don’t know how to get out. You know what? I’m there.

I’ve spent so much time the last few months obsessed with change and bettering myself and trying to figure things out that don’t make any sense. It’s occupied so much of my time and energy that it has started to consume every action I take.

In my quest to become a better person, I’ve almost started to forget about the things that made up Laura in the past — the Laura everyone used to love.

A few months ago, when I first started talking to people about some of the issues I had, many of them said they had no idea. I used to not talk about these things. I was a very private person, and I kept so many things to myself. That was probably a mistake. You can’t keep things bottled up, because then it all just explodes out one day.

And that’s exactly what happened to me. It all exploded out. As a matter of fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment and on whom it all exploded.

And since then, it hasn’t stopped. I’m reminded of “Mean Girls,” when the main character talks about “word vomit” and how she can’t stop it from coming out. I feel like that’s been me the last few months. I don’t *want* to talk about myself, but, somehow, I realize at the end of the day that I talked about myself all day.

Now I’m going to take control.

One thing every single one of my friends knows is that they can call or text me any time with a problem, and I will drop everything I’m doing and listen. Over the years, I’ve almost become an expert listener. I’ve come to be able to recognize when to give advice and when to keep my mouth shut. I know when someone needs a hug and when they don’t want you to touch them (that’s rare, by the way).

In the last year, I’ve fielded a good dozen calls or text conversations from various upset friends. And half of those have been at 2 in the morning.

One of my friends told me once that a good friend is someone you know you can call at any time, and they’ll just listen. I was so happy when she told me she felt that way about me.

Truly, there is almost nothing I like more than when I can give comfort. Nothing. I feel completely fulfilled just knowing that they are letting everything out on me and I am taking it all in for them. They need a person to talk to, and I’m a listener. I don’t pretend to have wise advice. Heck, I’m only 25. What do I know? I don’t have more than 10 years’ experience in anything except singing!

The benefits of that have been reciprocated. I have been able to talk to my friends about my problems. And though I’ve made absolutely no sense the last few months and have swung back and forth more wildly than a pendulum, they’ve been there.

I can feel the patience starting to wear thin. And that realization has been the turning point.

I have so many people I can call truly good friends. I’m going to go out on a limb and say I have at least nine people in my life that I would give that title to. There are NINE people I can turn to no matter the issue. NINE. Most people are lucky if they have one.

I am so completely lucky in love. I have so much love in my life, and I don’t know how I lost sight of it.

I don’t want to lose any of my friends because I’m being selfish and melodramatic. I hate drama. Yet in the last few weeks, I have been more dramatic and outlandish than the people I know that I avoid specifically because I think they are too dramatic. And frankly, looking back at all of that, I feel completed ashamed in myself.

I have so many blessings in my life. I have a great job that 25-year-olds just aren’t supposed to have, and I feel secure in an industry that very few feel secure in. I have a completely adoring husband who is putting up with everything ridiculous I throw at him. I have a family who loves me and has supported me through everything. I am healthier than I have ever been in my life. I have a TON of friends, so many that when I used to throw parties, I couldn’t even figure out how they would all fit in the house, even if they migrated to the upstairs too (they even filled up the massive house I was living in before… that’s saying something!). I am in a financial situation where I can go back to school and earn another degree if I wanted.

I have everything. Absolutely everything. And I’m not going to ignore those things anymore. This is the absolute end of my rut. I’m not going to rely on anyone else to pull me out, because I’m getting out of this completely ridiculous, out-of-control mess on my own.

I haven’t failed at anything in my life, and I’m sure not going to start now.

One of my favorite songs is from a musical called “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.” It’s about the simple things that make people happy, from a kid’s perspective: “Happiness is finding a pencil, pizza with sausage, telling the time.” Sometimes, when I hear that song, I feel like crying, which might sound strange, but it’s a good cry. (Yes, sometimes I feel like crying for happy things. Like cute little kids singing together.)

I posed the question on Facebook, “What makes you happy?” I got various answers, but almost all of them were people: my wife, my children, my family.

People make such a big difference in our lives when it comes to happiness. You can have a great job where you are respected and making a lot of money, but it means nothing if you don’t have friends and family. Too often, we put so much emphasis on what we do, rather than the people we have.

I’ve thought a lot about this in the last few months, and I contend that people can be happy working in a coffee shop, making enough to live on, but having a fulfilling personal life. When you have that, the other things just don’t seem to matter as much.

And it’s not just the big things.

I think part of the problem sometimes is that we, as a society, look to bigger picture things to make us happy rather than appreciating the smaller things. That is what “Happiness” is about. One simple thing that always takes my breath away is a sunset or a sunrise, or just beautiful nature. The other day, I was driving to work and fog was lingering over downtown Henderson, curling around the mountains. It was so majestic, and it filled me with calm happiness. Whenever I stop and look at beautiful things that occur naturally, it just makes me feel happy.

I think the keys to happiness are surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good and enjoying the simple things. Seek out friends who make you feel good, and get rid of the ones who don’t. Love the one you’re with. Seek shelter in family.

Most importantly, if something doesn’t make you happy that you can control, stop doing it. Find something else. Don’t waste time on the things that bring you down.

It’s all completely gluttonous. And I don’t think I’ll be eating meat for another couple days as a result, since even thinking about steak right now makes me feel a little queasy.

I really enjoyed having my vegetarian week. Sometimes it was a challenge, mostly when I went out to restaurants. At home was not a problem. I think if I permanently adopted that lifestyle, I’d be eating at home a lot more, which would be a good thing.

Although I am definitely a bit of a foodie and would pretty much try anything (I did eat haggus as the Ren Fair two years ago, and the only thing that turned me off was the texture; the taste wasn’t bad), I wouldn’t say I eat a lot of strictly vegetarian meals. After this week, I’d like to change that. I want to have more truly inspirational meals that are vegetarian on a more regular basis.

First thing: do any of you have suggestions for good vegetarian cookbooks? My friend Anna said William Sonoma has some good ones. I would like to pick up a couple strictly vegetarian cookbooks, because I find things geared toward vegetarians tend to be more inspired.

My sister, who was participating with me, said it’s difficult to find things that don’t involve pasta. I disagree. I only had one meal with pasta the entire week: orzo stuffed peppers. I had a variety of meals that involved myriad vegetables, and some had tofu.

It’s also interesting to me to see how some of the vegetarian things may not actually be healthier. Falafel, for instance, is still fried, as was some of the tofu. Many of the dishes at restaurants had gobs of cheese. It still boils down to how you cook it.

I did end up losing three pounds this week, which was certainly not my intention because I really don’t think I need to lose more weight!

I do think, however, that being a vegetarian would be a heck of a lot easier in a place with a decent farmers market. I could easily whip up dishes from the produce offered at the Sacramento farmers market I went to, for instance.

I think my next challenge will be to eat things I make at home. My friend Anna said that it’s a new “diet” she’s trying. I was actually doing very well making food at home, and then my life got slammed with being busy. It’s really about having the will power to still come home and make something, even if I’m not getting home until 9:30 p.m.

I learned a lot about my camera and a lot about taking photos. I also like that my entire year is documented. I have so many fond memories that I recall just from looking at the photos I’ve taken.  That was a side effect I hadn’t anticipated.

I also have become the sort of memory keeper and default photographer for my friends. They know I’m the one with the camera who will be there documenting the visual events.

Of the group of people I started this project with, I’m the only one who got as far as I did. Most of the people gave up after just a few months. I managed to get a photo on Dec. 31.

This last year has been a very strange journey for me. I joke that I’m having a quarter-life crisis; in truth, it has been a time of great self-reflection for me. It started in January, when I made the resolution to give up drinking soda, a move that led me to start evaluating my eating habits. I glanced over photos from a get-together I was at over at my friend Andrew’s house, and I realized I was getting to a place weight-wise that I just didn’t want to be.

I had never really cared about my weight before, and I had certainly never paid attention to what I ate. In general, I ate home-cooked meals, but, truth be told, I didn’t really try to make sure all of the food groups were balanced. My mom had decided to start Weight Watchers, and, in February, I joined her. In June, I joined the gym through a deal I was offered at LVAC. The result was that by September, I had lost 30 pounds and have managed to hold steady at that weight.

I also spent a lot of time contemplating my career. I wasn’t entirely satisfied with where I was earlier this year. I felt like I had been stagnant for a while, and there wasn’t much opportunity to move beyond where I was, although I had reached the position of copy editor. However, situations changed, and in November, I was offered a spot as editor of the new Boulder City paper. It was just the sort of thing I had been looking for.

I’m also in a constant state of evaluation about myself personally. There’s many things about my life I just wasn’t quite satisfied with, and I’m finally looking at everything honestly and brutally. Sometimes because of it, I have bad days. Other times, I have good days, where I feel like I’m accomplishing things I want to accomplish. I’m grateful for all of my friends who have been there for a shoulder to cry on or have offered an ear to listen.

Right now more than ever, I’m growing and changing. One of my friends said most of the women she knows have gone through something like this in their mid-twenties. I hope I come out of this a stronger and more well-rounded person.

I don’t know where I’m going to be at the end of 2010. One thing I have learned is that you just can’t predict the way things go.

At any rate, here is the final entry in the 365-Day Photo Project. It was fun. After this, I guess I’m going to use this as a regular blog for my thoughts.

Robert drinks a fruity drink at Elephant Bar in the District on Dec. 6.

The light shines in the Prius saying that the headlights are on Dec. 7.

Ginger's new baby Adam hangs out in Boulder City on Dec. 8.

Robert grins on the couch on Dec. 9.

The Las Vegas Philharmonic practices for the holiday concert on Dec. 10.

I interviewed this young woman who lives in Boulder City on Dec. 11. She had been in a car accident that left her paralyzed from the neck down, but she was so cheerful and happy.

Yummy drink at Bahama Breeze between concerts on Dec. 12.

This woman is one of our columnists. She poses for a photo on Dec. 14. I had to take a lot of photos of her because she wasn't satisfied with any of them. haha.

These crystals decorate the Love theater. We saw Love on Dec. 16. for a special fundraising performance.

Anne's cat hangs out in the salad bowl at her house on Dec. 17.

Amie toasts a marshmallow at Anne's house on Dec. 18.

Ron's birthday gift arrived on Dec. 21.

A room in Boulder City Hospital on Dec. 22.

The sun sets in Boulder City on Dec. 31.

A crab roll and a spicy tuna roll sit waiting to be eaten at Kobe Sushi on Oct. 4. Kobe Sushi as Rainbow and 215 is by far the best sushi I've ever had. Go at happy hour for half off!

I think Robert is cute in his glasses on Oct. 5.

Robert makes a face after getting a haircut on Oct. 6.

Samantha sits on the bed on Oct. 7. I left my camera at work, so I had to take it with my iPhone.

A close up of Mr. Miyagi the bamboo on Oct. 8.

My yummy bowl o fruit on Sept. 21.

Andrew stands in the choir room before Master Singers rehearsal on Sept. 22.

Andy shows off the device he made for Robert's Halloween costume on Sept. 23.

David examines his chicken nugget from McDonald's, trying to determine if it is, in fact, real white meat, before seeing "Working" at Spring Mountain Ranch on Sept. 24.

A cat sits on a rug on Sept. 25.

Robert shows off my glass of sangria on Sept. 26.

Jane shows off the back of the bridesmaids dresses we are wearing for Amie's wedding on Sept. 27.

Kerri tries on a veil for her wedding that will be next year on Sept. 28. I chose this one because you don't actually see her dress, which has to remain a surprise!

Andrew before choir rehearsal on Sept. 29.

Robert puts the dishes away on Sept. 30.

I almost forgot to take a photo on Aug. 26. Ha ha. So this is when I went to sleep that night, taken with my iPhone.

Robert always gets mad at me because I don't put my shoes away. Ha ha. Here's some of my shoes on Aug. 27.

Tina and Crystal taste test the sangria I made for Amie's bridal shower on Aug 28.

Jane and Anne share a laugh at Amie's bridal shower on Aug. 29.

Samantha plays in a roll of newspaper on Aug.30. I still have to give it to Andrew and my mom.

A light decorates Ricardo's on Aug. 31.

The kitchen of Robuchon, a nice restaurant we ate at on Sept. 1. I took this with my iPhone because I felt weird using my real camera, hence the bad quality.

I accidentally forgot to take a photo on Sept. 2.

Amie studies by a booklight on the drive up to Sacramento on Sept. 3. We went up there to see John Legend and India Arie in concert for Amie's bachelorette party.

Sacramento was very beautiful. My friend Anna lives there, and her house was built in 1890. It was a small-ish city, about 1.5 million in population. I loved the culture of it. And, it was extremely walkable.

Jane's cappuccino is ready to be enjoyed on Sept. 4. We had this at a cute little coffee shop called The Temple that Anna likes to frequent. There were so many alternatives to Starbucks.

Jane smells a flower on a beach in San Francisco on Sept. 5. We spent that Saturday in the city. Beaches in San Francisco aren't like San Diego beaches. It was chilly and windy, definitely not weather for laying out.

Amie holds up a strange vegetable I forgot the name of on Sept. 6. We visited a farmers market that Sunday. It was so big, and I bought a lot of food. It was all delicious. I wish we had something like that here, but we just don't have the variety of farms that California has, for obvious reasons.

Some of the grapes I bought at the farmers market dangle in my kitchen on Sept. 7. They were tasty grapes. Robert and I enjoyed a feast of fruits and cheeses I bought at the farmers market the night I came back.

Me trying to be artsy with my iPhone on Sept. 8. OK, it didn't work. Also, I was going to take my weekly photo of Andrew since Master Singers started up again, but we forgot.

Jonathan and Julia play Beatles Rockband. Robert bought the game for me. I love it. I can't wait for them to add more songs that can be downloaded for it.

I know I've taken a photo of my fans before, but this one was really cool. I took this on Sept. 10 with my iPhone. One thing that I can work with on the iPhone is that it doesn't really stop motion that well, so it can create cool effects like this.

Jane stands at the Las Vegas Farmers Market on Sept. 11 at Fremont East. This was literally half the farmers market. There were two vendors, both from California. We knew it wasn't going to be anything like Sacramento's, but I think we both expected a bit more than two vendors. It made me sad. I wish we could support something like this here, but we just can't.

Pepper howls along to a clip of a harmonica I found on YouTube on Sept. 12. It's so funny when she does it. At first I was worried it hurt her ears, but I read online that it doesn't. She's just trying to imitate the sound she's hearing. I bookmarked a couple clips she really reacted to so I can watch when I want.

Samantha stares out the window from on top of the wine rack. This has become one of her favorite pastimes. Cats always long for the outside world.

A view from our seats at the Las Vegas 51s game on Aug. 15. I actually took this from my iPhone, because I wasn't sure if cameras were allowed. They actually were, so I could have gotten better shots. The 51s always lose when we go. I'm not sure why. I don't think they're a losing team. Robert and I have very bad luck with sports teams.

The intersection of Durango and Warm Springs on Aug. 16. Don't worry, I was stopped when I took this photo.

A flower smiles from a bouquet of flowers Robert sent to my work for my birthday. This was taken on Aug. 17, six days after my b-day. I'm happy to say most of the flowers are still alive. It's the miracle bouquet. Robert got the flowers from our friend Marek's flower shop. We get all of our flowers there. They do a great job. Check them out at www.lasvegasbouquet.com.

A candle burns in Bar Louie on Aug. 18, the ill-fated visit. You can read more about the on-going saga of horrible service at www.darqbyte.com.

Robert shows off the tickets for the Titans-49ers game on Aug. 19. We're going to see a game in San Francisco in November. It will be our first NFL game.

The sun sets behind the valley on Aug. 20. A view from Aliante Station. I went with my friend Lauren to Pips, an Italian restaurant. They have a great happy hour on Thursdays with half-price appetizers and half-off glasses of wine. The two of us ate three appetizers and each had a glass of wine for $30 total. Not a bad deal. A cute place that was dead-empty.

My friend Emily (Jane's sister) cradles Kaliana at Pho Kim Long on Aug. 21. That place is so yummy. I tried to get photos of her son, Xavier, but he was moving too much.

A candle in Jane's window on Aug. 22. I took photos of Amie trying on her wedding dress, as well, but, alas, they involve her dress, which is top-secret to the groom, who may be snooping around to find it.

Samantha hangs out on Robert's lap on Aug. 23. That cat loves Robert so much.

The return of Andrew to the project on Aug. 24!! As always, he is on his phone.

Martin + Osa at Town Square Las Vegas on Aug. 25, where I was taking Pepper for a walk with Jane's dog, Maddy. Cute store, but a bit pricey.

One of these days, maybe I’ll get back to at least updating every other day.