I’ve never been the hot girl. You know her: the one who turns heads whenever she walks in the room; the one your guy friends ask about; the one you do and don’t want to hang out with because of the attention she gets when you’re around.

Mostly, I’ve been OK with that. I have talked with too many women who do attract attention, and along with the good comes the bad, the creepy guys.

In the last year, I’ve had several conversations about what makes someone hot. Everyone I’ve talked to about it has been unanimous in saying that it isn’t just about looks; it’s about confidence.

My confidence level has fluctuated tremendously in the last year. Admittedly, before halfway through college, I had next to no confidence. At the beginning of high school, I was downright gawkish. I was far too skinny with the build of a boy. Then somewhere around tenth grade, I grew up a bit, got rid of the braces and grew out my bangs (my sister still likes to point out that I had to buy “boy cut” jeans a couple months ago). Still, it wasn’t until my friends Crystal and Tina took me to a Q-Mode at the end of my junior year that I graduated fashion-wise from jeans and baggy T-shirts.

Having admirers and boyfriends certainly helped my self-confidence my senior year of high school, and then finding Robert, who tells me I’m sexy or beautiful constantly, definitely helped after that.

I don’t think I ever fully outgrew the nerd, but now, nerds are cool.

Certainly confidence is not entirely based on outward appearance. As a matter of fact, from my observances in the last year, it has almost nothing to do with outward appearances. But it certainly doesn’t hurt to have that going for you.

Truthfully, my confidence is on shaky ground at the moment. While this may seem silly to those who don’t know the details because of the major changes I’ve gone through in the last year regarding my appearance, I actually think that it’s somewhat because of these changes. I think it’s because in my head, things are not happening that I thought would happen. (Note: this is NOT an attempt to get “you’re pretty” comments on my blog… as a matter of fact, don’t do that. It will make me feel awkward and dirty.)

My biggest issue is that I am relying too much on outside sources to feed my self-confidence. And at this point, so many things are happening in my own head that I’m ignoring half of the outside positive sources, focusing instead on what I see as the negative.

You can’t get self-confidence from anyone else. It has to truly come from the inside. In order to have real self-confidence, you have to like yourself. You have to make the decision that you are going to be worth something to the world.

The trouble is trying to get out of that rut. You have to somehow find the ability to shout over that little voice that keeps creeping up trying to bring you down.

Each day, I’m going to look at myself and the mirror and say something I like about myself. It doesn’t have to be something I can see when I look in the mirror; it can be something I’m really good at doing or some accomplishment I have achieved.

I’m going to take the steps now to build up my own self-confidence. My goal is to be the woman who commands respect when she walks into the room and can inspire people just by exuding enough confidence to assure anyone else in the room. And that goal can only be achieved from within.