In honor of Valentine’s Day, I decided to compile a list of my top ten favorite songs about love. I say songs about love and not love songs, because not all of these songs are the types of songs I would put on, say, while I’m cooking a romantic dinner for Robert tonight. I also think some of them are reflective of this point in my life, and although some of these will likely always be staples for me, others are because of things that have happened to me recently.

They also are, of course, very much based on my taste in music and my musical knowledge.

Feel free to add your own favorite songs about love in the comments… I love hearing new music and what other people think about music.

I had a difficult time knocking some out, and I’m a little iffy about a couple of these.

I’m not putting them really in any particular order simply because it’s not possible for me to be that decisive about it, but they are at least in rough order leading up to my absolute favorites.

“Be Be Your Love” by Rachel Yamagata- To me, this song seems to be about young love, when you want to be in love, but everyone tells you that you can’t. I think it’s also about a longing to be in love, of not having yet possessed it but of loving the idea of it.

Be Be in Love

“Never Felt This Way/Butterflyz” by Alicia Keys- Again, this song is more about brand new love and feeling it for the first time. I especially think “Butterflyz” perfectly illustrates how you feel when you’re in love. You just have this excited feeling in the pit of your stomach and you feel like you could fly. It’s both a wonderful and a scary feeling at the same time.

Never Felt This Way/Butterflyz

“Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer- OK, so this is the cheesy pop song on my list. Hee hee. This song for me is just about being in complete awe of someone, though more in a physical way. It’s about just being in complete amazement that “hey, this person is hot and *I* get to be with him/her.”

Your Body Is a Wonderland

“I’ve Just Seen a Face” by The Beatles- Of course the Beatles were going to be on this list. This song is definitely more of a love at first sight sort of song. It also captures a feeling of love happening at just the right time (as in when they sing, “If it had been another day, I might have looked the other way…). I think for a lot of people, it is really a matter of timing.

I’ve Just Seen a Face

“Something” by The Beatles- This song is about the things you just can’t explain about the person you love. There is something indescribable that you seen in the person you love that perhaps other people can’t see. I also like that this song doesn’t try to make any assertions about the future of a love affair. The love could grow, or it may not. Only time will tell.

Something

“Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis- This is the song Robert and I used for the first dance at our wedding. To me, this song was very reflective of us, because everyone was always telling us not to rush into things when we were young, but it all just felt like it was meant to be. We couldn’t stop the way we felt about each other. This song is so tender. I’ve heard a couple remakes of this song, particularly by Ingrid Michaelson, that I’ve enjoyed, as well.

Can’t Help Falling in Love

“Being Alive” from “Company” by Stephen Sondheim- For those of you who haven’t seen this show, I would strongly recommend renting this performance on Netflix. This song is in no way a love song, but it is about love. It’s a very real song about what being in love means. When someone is truly in love, they are extremely aware of being alive– of all the little nuances. Being in love isn’t always pleasant, but it’s worth it. (Note, the actual song starts at about 45 seconds).

Being Alive

“And So It Goes” by Billy Joel- My high school choir used to sing this song every year. It’s one of the few pop songs I think has been successfully adapted for choir. The first time I ever realized what this song meant was back when I first thought I experienced love in high school. I was listening to it, and I had a moment when the meaning of it hit me, and I cried for about 15 minutes. When you really, truly fall in love, you give yourself completely over to that person: every last bit. You have to open yourself up for the deepest hurt in order to experience the greatest happiness.

And So It Goes

“Ordinary People” by John Legend- This song has spoken quite powerfully to me lately. I don’t know if I really quite understood it until this last year. This isn’t a song about blurry-eyed, infatuated love. It’s about that time after the honeymoon phase when the relationship becomes work. You can no longer take each other for granted, and you have to accept the other person for who they are, with all their faults.

Ordinary People

“Wonderful tonight” by Eric Clapton- I think everything about this song is absolutely perfect. The sweet croon of the guitar, the sense of awe woven through Eric Clapton’s voice and the lyrics. This song captures perfectly the feeling you get when you’re with the person you love and you’re just basking in everything about them. I think this feeling comes once your love has matured and deepened, a very different feeling you get when you are first in love.

Wonderful Tonight

One of my recent speech pet peeves has been the phrase “I’m just sayin’.”

I realized a couple of weeks ago that I was saying this phrase, which irritates me because it essentially tries to make something that a person is saying less dramatic than it actually is.

For instance, “Your sister might be telling the truth, but I saw her yesterday making out with your boyfriend. I’m just sayin’.”

In many ways, it’s a defense mechanism, meant to somehow remove blame from oneself for delivering the news. It also seems to be trying to soften the blow, or even to say, “I told you so.” In short, the phrase doesn’t actually seem to be serving any useful purpose, and I’m not sure how everyone started saying it all of the sudden. As far as I know, people weren’t saying this phrase a year ago, or perhaps I just never noticed how annoying it was until recently.

I’ve had to catch myself saying it since I realized how annoying it is. Mostly, I am probably annoyed because it has been used a lot recently to tell me things that I don’t really want to hear about my own life. But, I KNOW you are saying it, you don’t have to tell me.

More and more these days, I feel like I speak to people through the written word rather than in person. And that’s not just because I work in journalism.

I would say the main way I communicate with my friends nowadays is by text message, e-mail and social networking. All of them rely exclusively on words, and most of the time, they are meant to be quick notes.

I recently stumbled upon this blog post when I was on the site reading Red Eye’s iPhone blog. It’s a short post, but if you don’t want to read it, it’s about emoticons and dating and what an emoticon means. This blog is lighthearted and essentially says that “Do you want to come over and watch a movie? ” translates to “Do you want to come over and sleep with me?”

This does bring up the point about emoticons and communication. I snobbishly used to say that if you were truly a great writer that emoticons are unnecessary and your meaning is always clear. But I don’t really believe that anymore. I think that sometimes, a text or e-mail written with the best of intentions can be misinterpreted by the reader. And for that reason, emoticons might be sometimes necessary.

The problem with communicating with someone by text is that the conversation is devoid of all the little nuances–the non-verbal cues–you get from speaking face to face. Even something as “I’m sorry to bother you” can be taken many different ways if not accompanied by irritation or sympathy or a laugh.

The question is, how are we going to be able to communicate these things if that is the way technology is going? How do we prevent miscommunication if we aren’t able to convey the emotion with the text? Emoticons, in many ways, have become a way to convey those things. However primitive it may be, these combinations of punctuation marks have become staples of communication among friends.

Last week, I bought “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” for my Kindle and began reading it. When I was younger, I read “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens,” but I honestly don’t remember it that well. Off and on through the years, I’ve picked up this book from the library and considered buying it, but never did.

One of my friends told me he attended the seminar and loved it, which reminded me that I’d always intended to read the adult book. I would like to attend the seminar, which is in Vegas in June, but it’s $2,000, and I don’t think my husband would be too happy with me if I asked for that, no matter how supportive he is being through this whole thing…

So I chose the lower cost version first– reading the book.

Today, as I was reading about the first habit during lunch, I was particularly struck by an idea that I’ve always known, but it didn’t really occur to me that I wasn’t living it anymore until now. The first habit is about being proactive and choosing how you are going to react to your circumstances. This is always the way I thought I was living my life, and I think I was doing a pretty good job of it until last fall.

Somehow, at that point, I lost sight of that idea. Life began to throw stronger challenges at me, and instead of sticking to my guns, I let it consume me.

In the book, the author discusses the idea of a paradigm shift, or seeing things from a different point of view. I think at some point last fall (I don’t know how or when), I had a paradigm shift– only this one was not a good one.

Instead of feeling like I had control of many things in my life, I started feeling like *everything* was out of my control. I started blaming other people for what was going on in my life, or I acted like things that were happening were simply things that were out of my control.

The thing is, I used to be a proactive person. And I was still preaching that idea to my friends and family.

I never 100 percent pushed over the edge to complete victim. As a matter of fact, I was still doing quite well at handling myself professionally, taking steps to ensure that I remained in control of my destiny, even if it was a different destiny than I had in mind a few years ago. But, I came quite close in my darkest days to going all the way over.

Today, it was such a relief when I fully realized once more that I can control my reactions. Sure, I can’t control things that are going to happen no matter what, but I can control how I choose to react to it. I can take everything in stride and still remain positive, or I can make it be the worst thing that’s ever happened and let it completely smash my mood.

No one is perfect and proactive all of the time. And I still don’t feel like I’m completely solidified in the idea once again. After all, it’s only really been a few hours since I had my moment of realization.

But I do really feel like I’m finally taking the steps I need to get back on track and get back to the person who believed in herself even when others didn’t.

I often wonder how my generation and the ones after will primarily communicate in the future. I also wonder what behaviors will become commonplace because of changing technology.

Lately, it’s become a game of mine to watch how other people are interacting with one another at restaurants. All too often, I see a group of people sitting at a table, feverishly thumbing away at their smart phones and completely ignoring those around them. It seems that everyone would rather be talking to someone else rather than the person sitting right in front of them.

I once had an argument with my husband while we were out to dinner because he was playing on his iPhone while I was sitting there doing nothing. I confronted him, saying it was rude and that he should actually be talking with me rather than playing on his phone. But I must confess, I’ve done it to him and other friends, and my friends have done it to me. I once sat with a  group of friends and laughed silently as I watched my three other companions all typing away at their phones. At times when I’ve seen this, I’ve even pulled mine out, quipping, “I suppose I should just join in!” when I’ve felt left out.

This type of behavior has become commonplace, particularly among my generation, the 30-somethings and my younger sister’s teen generation. It’s simply just not seen as rude to whip out your phone and answer a text while simultaneously checking your Facebook, Twitter and chatting with your lunch date.

Although we may not think of it this way at the time, the signal we are giving off to our companion is that everything else is more important than that person at that moment. Or else you are giving the impression that the person you are with is somehow less entertaining than the people who aren’t there. And it shouldn’t be that way. If you are out physically spending time with someone, there’s no reason to be digitally entertaining someone else.

Certainly, if it’s just a quick reply, a genuine emergency, or something work-related, it’s harmless to answer a text or e-mail. But if it’s simply a matter of holding a digital conversation with someone else when your mind should be devoted to the person you are with, it’s just plain rude.

I am 100 percent guilty of being out to lunch with someone and spending a ridiculous amount of time with them texting, checking my Facebook or Twitter. And when I really analyze that, I’m ashamed of myself.

Usually, when I hear my text message alert chime or hear the ding of a waiting e-mail from my iPhone, I’ll assess the situation. Is the person I’m with also checking his or her phone? Am I expecting an answer to a question I need? Is the person texting me someone who I know will need my immediate attention (to which I might argue that he or she should just call me… rarely is there an immediate answer needed for a text, or you wouldn’t text).

But realistically, I know I should not be basing whether I answer a text on if the other person is doing it. After all, that’s only continuing the behavior. I know I need to be the example and do what I think is the polite thing to do.

I’m going to try to keep these things in mind this week when I’m out with people.

I read a fact this week from an uncredited source that people are 85 percent more likely to achieve their goals if they write them down. (Also, 60 percent of people are unimpressed by statistics.) So that’s what I’m going to do.

And I apologize in advance for the stream-of conscience format of this post.

Sometimes you’re just stuck in a rut and you don’t know how to get out. You know what? I’m there.

I’ve spent so much time the last few months obsessed with change and bettering myself and trying to figure things out that don’t make any sense. It’s occupied so much of my time and energy that it has started to consume every action I take.

In my quest to become a better person, I’ve almost started to forget about the things that made up Laura in the past — the Laura everyone used to love.

A few months ago, when I first started talking to people about some of the issues I had, many of them said they had no idea. I used to not talk about these things. I was a very private person, and I kept so many things to myself. That was probably a mistake. You can’t keep things bottled up, because then it all just explodes out one day.

And that’s exactly what happened to me. It all exploded out. As a matter of fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment and on whom it all exploded.

And since then, it hasn’t stopped. I’m reminded of “Mean Girls,” when the main character talks about “word vomit” and how she can’t stop it from coming out. I feel like that’s been me the last few months. I don’t *want* to talk about myself, but, somehow, I realize at the end of the day that I talked about myself all day.

Now I’m going to take control.

One thing every single one of my friends knows is that they can call or text me any time with a problem, and I will drop everything I’m doing and listen. Over the years, I’ve almost become an expert listener. I’ve come to be able to recognize when to give advice and when to keep my mouth shut. I know when someone needs a hug and when they don’t want you to touch them (that’s rare, by the way).

In the last year, I’ve fielded a good dozen calls or text conversations from various upset friends. And half of those have been at 2 in the morning.

One of my friends told me once that a good friend is someone you know you can call at any time, and they’ll just listen. I was so happy when she told me she felt that way about me.

Truly, there is almost nothing I like more than when I can give comfort. Nothing. I feel completely fulfilled just knowing that they are letting everything out on me and I am taking it all in for them. They need a person to talk to, and I’m a listener. I don’t pretend to have wise advice. Heck, I’m only 25. What do I know? I don’t have more than 10 years’ experience in anything except singing!

The benefits of that have been reciprocated. I have been able to talk to my friends about my problems. And though I’ve made absolutely no sense the last few months and have swung back and forth more wildly than a pendulum, they’ve been there.

I can feel the patience starting to wear thin. And that realization has been the turning point.

I have so many people I can call truly good friends. I’m going to go out on a limb and say I have at least nine people in my life that I would give that title to. There are NINE people I can turn to no matter the issue. NINE. Most people are lucky if they have one.

I am so completely lucky in love. I have so much love in my life, and I don’t know how I lost sight of it.

I don’t want to lose any of my friends because I’m being selfish and melodramatic. I hate drama. Yet in the last few weeks, I have been more dramatic and outlandish than the people I know that I avoid specifically because I think they are too dramatic. And frankly, looking back at all of that, I feel completed ashamed in myself.

I have so many blessings in my life. I have a great job that 25-year-olds just aren’t supposed to have, and I feel secure in an industry that very few feel secure in. I have a completely adoring husband who is putting up with everything ridiculous I throw at him. I have a family who loves me and has supported me through everything. I am healthier than I have ever been in my life. I have a TON of friends, so many that when I used to throw parties, I couldn’t even figure out how they would all fit in the house, even if they migrated to the upstairs too (they even filled up the massive house I was living in before… that’s saying something!). I am in a financial situation where I can go back to school and earn another degree if I wanted.

I have everything. Absolutely everything. And I’m not going to ignore those things anymore. This is the absolute end of my rut. I’m not going to rely on anyone else to pull me out, because I’m getting out of this completely ridiculous, out-of-control mess on my own.

I haven’t failed at anything in my life, and I’m sure not going to start now.

What is happiness?

One of my favorite songs is from a musical called “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.” It’s about the simple things that make people happy, from a kid’s perspective: “Happiness is finding a pencil, pizza with sausage, telling the time.” Sometimes, when I hear that song, I feel like crying, which might sound strange, but it’s a good cry. (Yes, sometimes I feel like crying for happy things. Like cute little kids singing together.)

I posed the question on Facebook, “What makes you happy?” I got various answers, but almost all of them were people: my wife, my children, my family.

People make such a big difference in our lives when it comes to happiness. You can have a great job where you are respected and making a lot of money, but it means nothing if you don’t have friends and family. Too often, we put so much emphasis on what we do, rather than the people we have.

I’ve thought a lot about this in the last few months, and I contend that people can be happy working in a coffee shop, making enough to live on, but having a fulfilling personal life. When you have that, the other things just don’t seem to matter as much.

And it’s not just the big things.

I think part of the problem sometimes is that we, as a society, look to bigger picture things to make us happy rather than appreciating the smaller things. That is what “Happiness” is about. One simple thing that always takes my breath away is a sunset or a sunrise, or just beautiful nature. The other day, I was driving to work and fog was lingering over downtown Henderson, curling around the mountains. It was so majestic, and it filled me with calm happiness. Whenever I stop and look at beautiful things that occur naturally, it just makes me feel happy.

I think the keys to happiness are surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good and enjoying the simple things. Seek out friends who make you feel good, and get rid of the ones who don’t. Love the one you’re with. Seek shelter in family.

Most importantly, if something doesn’t make you happy that you can control, stop doing it. Find something else. Don’t waste time on the things that bring you down.

I ended my vegetarian week today by pigging out at Texas de Brazil, which is a Brazilian steakhouse. My friend David calls them meat buffets. Essentially, the waiters walk around carrying meat on swords, and they slice off pieces for you as they go by.

It’s all completely gluttonous. And I don’t think I’ll be eating meat for another couple days as a result, since even thinking about steak right now makes me feel a little queasy.

I really enjoyed having my vegetarian week. Sometimes it was a challenge, mostly when I went out to restaurants. At home was not a problem. I think if I permanently adopted that lifestyle, I’d be eating at home a lot more, which would be a good thing.

Although I am definitely a bit of a foodie and would pretty much try anything (I did eat haggus as the Ren Fair two years ago, and the only thing that turned me off was the texture; the taste wasn’t bad), I wouldn’t say I eat a lot of strictly vegetarian meals. After this week, I’d like to change that. I want to have more truly inspirational meals that are vegetarian on a more regular basis.

First thing: do any of you have suggestions for good vegetarian cookbooks? My friend Anna said William Sonoma has some good ones. I would like to pick up a couple strictly vegetarian cookbooks, because I find things geared toward vegetarians tend to be more inspired.

My sister, who was participating with me, said it’s difficult to find things that don’t involve pasta. I disagree. I only had one meal with pasta the entire week: orzo stuffed peppers. I had a variety of meals that involved myriad vegetables, and some had tofu.

It’s also interesting to me to see how some of the vegetarian things may not actually be healthier. Falafel, for instance, is still fried, as was some of the tofu. Many of the dishes at restaurants had gobs of cheese. It still boils down to how you cook it.

I did end up losing three pounds this week, which was certainly not my intention because I really don’t think I need to lose more weight!

I do think, however, that being a vegetarian would be a heck of a lot easier in a place with a decent farmers market. I could easily whip up dishes from the produce offered at the Sacramento farmers market I went to, for instance.

I think my next challenge will be to eat things I make at home. My friend Anna said that it’s a new “diet” she’s trying. I was actually doing very well making food at home, and then my life got slammed with being busy. It’s really about having the will power to still come home and make something, even if I’m not getting home until 9:30 p.m.

I’ve never been the hot girl. You know her: the one who turns heads whenever she walks in the room; the one your guy friends ask about; the one you do and don’t want to hang out with because of the attention she gets when you’re around.

Mostly, I’ve been OK with that. I have talked with too many women who do attract attention, and along with the good comes the bad, the creepy guys.

In the last year, I’ve had several conversations about what makes someone hot. Everyone I’ve talked to about it has been unanimous in saying that it isn’t just about looks; it’s about confidence.

My confidence level has fluctuated tremendously in the last year. Admittedly, before halfway through college, I had next to no confidence. At the beginning of high school, I was downright gawkish. I was far too skinny with the build of a boy. Then somewhere around tenth grade, I grew up a bit, got rid of the braces and grew out my bangs (my sister still likes to point out that I had to buy “boy cut” jeans a couple months ago). Still, it wasn’t until my friends Crystal and Tina took me to a Q-Mode at the end of my junior year that I graduated fashion-wise from jeans and baggy T-shirts.

Having admirers and boyfriends certainly helped my self-confidence my senior year of high school, and then finding Robert, who tells me I’m sexy or beautiful constantly, definitely helped after that.

I don’t think I ever fully outgrew the nerd, but now, nerds are cool.

Certainly confidence is not entirely based on outward appearance. As a matter of fact, from my observances in the last year, it has almost nothing to do with outward appearances. But it certainly doesn’t hurt to have that going for you.

Truthfully, my confidence is on shaky ground at the moment. While this may seem silly to those who don’t know the details because of the major changes I’ve gone through in the last year regarding my appearance, I actually think that it’s somewhat because of these changes. I think it’s because in my head, things are not happening that I thought would happen. (Note: this is NOT an attempt to get “you’re pretty” comments on my blog… as a matter of fact, don’t do that. It will make me feel awkward and dirty.)

My biggest issue is that I am relying too much on outside sources to feed my self-confidence. And at this point, so many things are happening in my own head that I’m ignoring half of the outside positive sources, focusing instead on what I see as the negative.

You can’t get self-confidence from anyone else. It has to truly come from the inside. In order to have real self-confidence, you have to like yourself. You have to make the decision that you are going to be worth something to the world.

The trouble is trying to get out of that rut. You have to somehow find the ability to shout over that little voice that keeps creeping up trying to bring you down.

Each day, I’m going to look at myself and the mirror and say something I like about myself. It doesn’t have to be something I can see when I look in the mirror; it can be something I’m really good at doing or some accomplishment I have achieved.

I’m going to take the steps now to build up my own self-confidence. My goal is to be the woman who commands respect when she walks into the room and can inspire people just by exuding enough confidence to assure anyone else in the room. And that goal can only be achieved from within.

One thing I’ve always been keenly aware of is that there is no way to change the past. If a time machine had been invented, I believe that someone would have screwed up somehow and let it slip that they are from the year 3013 to the world. So give up hope of Doc showing up in a DeLorean and asking you what you want to go back and change.

At the same time, I often wonder if things happen for a reason. Was I meant to have met the people who are so important to me now? Would circumstances have allowed us to meet even if my life had gone a different way?

I don’t really know that things are necessarily “meant to be.” I can’t say either way. I believe in a higher power, but I don’t pretend to understand it.

Every now and then, I wonder what would have happened if I had remained a Music Ed major in college. I famously (among those who knew me anyway) changed majors four times in college, quite unsure about what exactly I was supposed to be doing.

Ultimately, I left the music department because I saw the art of singing in a different way than the vocal faculty. I also wasn’t sure that I really wanted it badly enough to give my all to singing.

There are times I question my choice. Sometimes, I’m talking to performers in a musical about their passion, and I feel that twinge of what I used to feel when I thought about singing. Sometimes I’m singing a song in choir, and I think of how I would feel, standing in front as the director. What directions would I take with the music? How would I interpret that rest?

I always come back to music. No matter what emotion I am feeling, I can always find a song that perfectly captures it in a melody. Sometimes I need to sing as a sort of release, to convey my emotions in a way I can’t do with actions. Music is its own language for me, a language that I think is both universal but exclusive at the same time. I have been moved by music in ways I haven’t been able to accomplish otherwise.

Ultimately, though, I haven’t given up singing. I changed my major and went a completely different path, but I still have music in my life. So I suppose I don’t really have to think about the what ifs.

Although we can’t change the past, one thing over which we have some measure of control is the future. Yes, things have happened that we can’t change. But we can make choices to decide the direction we are going in the future.