Yesterday was my last day as an employed professional journalist, at least for now. Who knows what the future will bring. I make no assumptions. In a couple weeks, I will be starting a new chapter in my life as a law student at UNLV.

I was first interested in law school in high school. My senior year, I was a member of the Law Club and was able to attend trials and participate in mock re-enactments with my peers. When I entered college for my bachelor’s degree, it was my intention that I was going to be attending law school.

My life ended up down a different path. As an undergrad, I jumped majors often, starting out undeclared, then moving to Music Education, then Communications, then Secondary Education, then finally back to Communications, which became Journalism & Media Studies, where I eventually stayed and received my degree. I fell in love with journalism, and though it was always in the back of my mind, law school wasn’t an immediate goal in my life.

I spent six years immersed in the journalism profession. My interest in law school was sparked again a couple years ago after talking with several of my friends who were lawyers or were in law school. I started thinking about it again, and I set the process in motion to attend, still not quite certain of what I would do if I were accepted.

My life took another diversion when the opening for the editor of the Boulder City Review was created. At that point, I was almost entirely done with the process of applying to law school and had invested a lot financially in it. I loved the job and the opportunities it presented, but after several months, I found I was still wanting a change. I finished up the process of applying.

After I received notice that I had been accepted to a few schools, one of which was Boyd, I debated once more what I wanted to do with my life. I spent almost the entire period leading up to the acceptance deadline debating. I talked to a number of people, some of whom used to be in the journalism profession but moved on to law, others who have been journalists all their lives, some who have always been lawyers, and others who haven’t been in either profession. Ultimately, it came down to just wanting to try out something different.

As I spent the last week working with the new editor of the newspaper and handing over the reins, I did feel sad. Journalism has been such an important part of my life the last few years, and I do love it very much. But I’m also excited to be starting in a new field. And I know the experience I have gained in journalism will help me in my law career.

Last week, Roger Ebert caused quite a stir among many of my video game nerd friends when he reiterated his opinion that video games can never be art.

Essentially, Ebert contends that video games cannot be art because they are games. I think this opinion is on the surface far too narrow and focused.

This is a subject that is often debated among artists and critics. Every so often, some “work of art” will create buzz because it offends someone, and then journalists will interview art critics and the people who are offended who will say that things that are meant to offend are not art.

I contend that art can’t really be defined by the beholder, but must be defined by the artist. I believe art is a very broad and general term, and that many things in everyday life can be considered art if the creator or presented intends it to be so.

Who am I to judge that an architect or a carpenter is not an artist? If people believe that what they are doing is considered art, then it is by its nature art.

Most of the people I have spoken to about Ebert’s opinion have been saying he’s just too old to get it. That may be, but I think it’s more that he is just being too narrow in his view of art. However, I do know that guidelines must be defined in order for something to be critiqued, which is why I’ve never claimed to be a critic.

One thing about Catholics is that we don’t talk about our faith that much. I’m not really sure why that is; we just aren’t encouraged as much as members of other religions to proselytize in a direct manner. I, also, have never felt extremely comfortable engaging others first in talking about religion. It’s one of those subjects that people just can’t talk about civilly. I try to avoid politics and religion, as I’m sure most people do. I save topics such as those for people I know and trust well enough to discuss them with. We don’t have to agree by any means, but I have to be able to know that the person I’m engaging in conversation with isn’t going to start needlessly tearing my personal beliefs down, but instead, treat the subject with respect.

That being said, it’s hard being a Catholic right now. I think a lot of people are afraid to say it, but it’s true. This isn’t a great time for the Catholic Church.

Last week, I was reading a report about how there is now evidence that when Pope Benedict was a cardinal, he refused to defrock a pedophile priest. I read some of the comments below the article, (which I usually avoid doing on subjects that I know are going to incite comments that are going to irritate me), and one of them was, “How can anyone be proud to call themself a Catholic right now?”

I’m not really sure how to answer that question. At times, it gets tough to defend the actions of the church, particularly when there are some aspects of it that I don’t agree with as it is. Those who know me well know that despite the fact that I do attend Mass every Sunday, I’m definitely a Cafeteria Catholic–meaning there are certain teachings that I disagree with that I, for lack of a better word, ignore.

This can be difficult, particularly when there’s an announcement at Mass regarding one of the things I disagree with, and I sit there and listen to the announcement and can’t do much about it without making a scene. Thankfully, at the three parishes I’ve regularly attended in my life, that is rarely an issue, which is why I choose to attend those.

So why am I still Catholic?

I was reminded why this past Easter week, when I sang at a couple of the Triduum Masses at Holy Spirit. It seems like every Easter, I have a renewal of faith. I’ve attended many Protestant and other Christian services throughout my life, and I can honestly say that none of them have touched me as much as a Catholic Mass does. I like the ritual of it. I like the way it makes me feel. I don’t feel alone, and it really helps me to put things in perspective in my life.

And I think that’s what religion should be about. If it’s not making you feel good, what is the purpose of it? It shouldn’t be something that makes you feel bad or guilty. I’m not saying the Catholic Church is for everyone, or even that church in general is for everyone. I’m even willing to say that a belief in a higher power may not be for everyone. What brings me comfort won’t do the same for everyone.

I can’t defend the actions of some of the men in the priesthood. More than anything, I wish things like that didn’t happen. I know many priests who are truly good people who have inspired me to do wonderful things with my life. One of them is Father Albert at the Newman Center, whose 50th ordination anniversary I attended this weekend. There are good men in the priesthood.

For now, that is why I’m Catholic. It’s a bright spot in my life, and it brings me joy. And anything that brings you joy is worth doing.

This week, I’ve started a new hobby. I’m learning to play the ukulele.

Some people have been surprised by the news; others think it’s pretty cool. One thing I’ve found in doing my research before getting the instrument was that it is growing in popularity, particularly among young indie types.

Throughout my life, I’ve always had a bit of a struggle getting myself to learn an instrument. Generally, I just find every excuse to not practice. Right now, however, I legitimately have less time than I’ve had in quite a long time. Some people might wonder why I’m taking up an instrument at this point. I desperately need a new hobby that is just about me. I need something that forces me to take some time out for myself. And because of my personality, any time that is taken for myself needs to be used accomplishing something productive.

I’ve gotten really exciting doing research for the ukulele. Tabs or chords for most every popular song can be easily found on the Internet. There are several free resources for not only music, but lessons and tips for beginners. The community is extremely helpful to those who want to learn to play.

About a month ago, I got it in my head that I either wanted to finally perfect my ability to play the piano or take up the guitar. The guitar intrigued me because it would be a little different than anything I had done. I began researching what it would take. Robert and I went to Guitar Center, and I realized that if I were to get an instrument of any quality, I would likely be paying $150-$200, maybe more. We just didn’t have the money right at that time to start, so I filed it away as a possibility for later in the year or some sort of group birthday present.

A few days later, I talked about learning to play with my friend Andrew. He pointed at that really learning to play the guitar takes a lot of time; it’s not the kind of thing you can just pick up and be really good right away. He suggested I try the ukulele; it’s easier, much cheaper, has several resources online and is the hip thing to do right now.

I went home and started doing research. I spent about two weeks online looking over everything before I ordered the instrument off Amazon: a Lanikai LU-21 soprano ukulele, which is what I found on numerous sites to be perfect for beginners. It arrived on Tuesday, and I’ve so far had about two hours to actually play it. So far, I’ve successfully accomplished playing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” with two chords. The challenge in learning, I can tell already, is going to be transitioning between chords, the same difficulty I faced when trying to pick up the guitar a couple times.

I’m very excited about this new hobby. I’ve practically been talking about it nonstop all week, much to the annoyance of those who have been talking to me. I hope that I find the time to get to be pretty good so I can maybe start playing in church or simply as entertainment for my friends at parties. And, hey, I know a couple people in bands who might let me make a cameo if I’m nice!

I’m also taking requests for songs to learn, if anyone has suggestions.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I decided to compile a list of my top ten favorite songs about love. I say songs about love and not love songs, because not all of these songs are the types of songs I would put on, say, while I’m cooking a romantic dinner for Robert tonight. I also think some of them are reflective of this point in my life, and although some of these will likely always be staples for me, others are because of things that have happened to me recently.

They also are, of course, very much based on my taste in music and my musical knowledge.

Feel free to add your own favorite songs about love in the comments… I love hearing new music and what other people think about music.

I had a difficult time knocking some out, and I’m a little iffy about a couple of these.

I’m not putting them really in any particular order simply because it’s not possible for me to be that decisive about it, but they are at least in rough order leading up to my absolute favorites.

“Be Be Your Love” by Rachel Yamagata- To me, this song seems to be about young love, when you want to be in love, but everyone tells you that you can’t. I think it’s also about a longing to be in love, of not having yet possessed it but of loving the idea of it.

Be Be in Love

“Never Felt This Way/Butterflyz” by Alicia Keys- Again, this song is more about brand new love and feeling it for the first time. I especially think “Butterflyz” perfectly illustrates how you feel when you’re in love. You just have this excited feeling in the pit of your stomach and you feel like you could fly. It’s both a wonderful and a scary feeling at the same time.

Never Felt This Way/Butterflyz

“Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer- OK, so this is the cheesy pop song on my list. Hee hee. This song for me is just about being in complete awe of someone, though more in a physical way. It’s about just being in complete amazement that “hey, this person is hot and *I* get to be with him/her.”

Your Body Is a Wonderland

“I’ve Just Seen a Face” by The Beatles- Of course the Beatles were going to be on this list. This song is definitely more of a love at first sight sort of song. It also captures a feeling of love happening at just the right time (as in when they sing, “If it had been another day, I might have looked the other way…). I think for a lot of people, it is really a matter of timing.

I’ve Just Seen a Face

“Something” by The Beatles- This song is about the things you just can’t explain about the person you love. There is something indescribable that you seen in the person you love that perhaps other people can’t see. I also like that this song doesn’t try to make any assertions about the future of a love affair. The love could grow, or it may not. Only time will tell.

Something

“Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis- This is the song Robert and I used for the first dance at our wedding. To me, this song was very reflective of us, because everyone was always telling us not to rush into things when we were young, but it all just felt like it was meant to be. We couldn’t stop the way we felt about each other. This song is so tender. I’ve heard a couple remakes of this song, particularly by Ingrid Michaelson, that I’ve enjoyed, as well.

Can’t Help Falling in Love

“Being Alive” from “Company” by Stephen Sondheim- For those of you who haven’t seen this show, I would strongly recommend renting this performance on Netflix. This song is in no way a love song, but it is about love. It’s a very real song about what being in love means. When someone is truly in love, they are extremely aware of being alive– of all the little nuances. Being in love isn’t always pleasant, but it’s worth it. (Note, the actual song starts at about 45 seconds).

Being Alive

“And So It Goes” by Billy Joel- My high school choir used to sing this song every year. It’s one of the few pop songs I think has been successfully adapted for choir. The first time I ever realized what this song meant was back when I first thought I experienced love in high school. I was listening to it, and I had a moment when the meaning of it hit me, and I cried for about 15 minutes. When you really, truly fall in love, you give yourself completely over to that person: every last bit. You have to open yourself up for the deepest hurt in order to experience the greatest happiness.

And So It Goes

“Ordinary People” by John Legend- This song has spoken quite powerfully to me lately. I don’t know if I really quite understood it until this last year. This isn’t a song about blurry-eyed, infatuated love. It’s about that time after the honeymoon phase when the relationship becomes work. You can no longer take each other for granted, and you have to accept the other person for who they are, with all their faults.

Ordinary People

“Wonderful tonight” by Eric Clapton- I think everything about this song is absolutely perfect. The sweet croon of the guitar, the sense of awe woven through Eric Clapton’s voice and the lyrics. This song captures perfectly the feeling you get when you’re with the person you love and you’re just basking in everything about them. I think this feeling comes once your love has matured and deepened, a very different feeling you get when you are first in love.

Wonderful Tonight

One of my recent speech pet peeves has been the phrase “I’m just sayin’.”

I realized a couple of weeks ago that I was saying this phrase, which irritates me because it essentially tries to make something that a person is saying less dramatic than it actually is.

For instance, “Your sister might be telling the truth, but I saw her yesterday making out with your boyfriend. I’m just sayin’.”

In many ways, it’s a defense mechanism, meant to somehow remove blame from oneself for delivering the news. It also seems to be trying to soften the blow, or even to say, “I told you so.” In short, the phrase doesn’t actually seem to be serving any useful purpose, and I’m not sure how everyone started saying it all of the sudden. As far as I know, people weren’t saying this phrase a year ago, or perhaps I just never noticed how annoying it was until recently.

I’ve had to catch myself saying it since I realized how annoying it is. Mostly, I am probably annoyed because it has been used a lot recently to tell me things that I don’t really want to hear about my own life. But, I KNOW you are saying it, you don’t have to tell me.

More and more these days, I feel like I speak to people through the written word rather than in person. And that’s not just because I work in journalism.

I would say the main way I communicate with my friends nowadays is by text message, e-mail and social networking. All of them rely exclusively on words, and most of the time, they are meant to be quick notes.

I recently stumbled upon this blog post when I was on the site reading Red Eye’s iPhone blog. It’s a short post, but if you don’t want to read it, it’s about emoticons and dating and what an emoticon means. This blog is lighthearted and essentially says that “Do you want to come over and watch a movie? ” translates to “Do you want to come over and sleep with me?”

This does bring up the point about emoticons and communication. I snobbishly used to say that if you were truly a great writer that emoticons are unnecessary and your meaning is always clear. But I don’t really believe that anymore. I think that sometimes, a text or e-mail written with the best of intentions can be misinterpreted by the reader. And for that reason, emoticons might be sometimes necessary.

The problem with communicating with someone by text is that the conversation is devoid of all the little nuances–the non-verbal cues–you get from speaking face to face. Even something as “I’m sorry to bother you” can be taken many different ways if not accompanied by irritation or sympathy or a laugh.

The question is, how are we going to be able to communicate these things if that is the way technology is going? How do we prevent miscommunication if we aren’t able to convey the emotion with the text? Emoticons, in many ways, have become a way to convey those things. However primitive it may be, these combinations of punctuation marks have become staples of communication among friends.

Last week, I bought “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” for my Kindle and began reading it. When I was younger, I read “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens,” but I honestly don’t remember it that well. Off and on through the years, I’ve picked up this book from the library and considered buying it, but never did.

One of my friends told me he attended the seminar and loved it, which reminded me that I’d always intended to read the adult book. I would like to attend the seminar, which is in Vegas in June, but it’s $2,000, and I don’t think my husband would be too happy with me if I asked for that, no matter how supportive he is being through this whole thing…

So I chose the lower cost version first– reading the book.

Today, as I was reading about the first habit during lunch, I was particularly struck by an idea that I’ve always known, but it didn’t really occur to me that I wasn’t living it anymore until now. The first habit is about being proactive and choosing how you are going to react to your circumstances. This is always the way I thought I was living my life, and I think I was doing a pretty good job of it until last fall.

Somehow, at that point, I lost sight of that idea. Life began to throw stronger challenges at me, and instead of sticking to my guns, I let it consume me.

In the book, the author discusses the idea of a paradigm shift, or seeing things from a different point of view. I think at some point last fall (I don’t know how or when), I had a paradigm shift– only this one was not a good one.

Instead of feeling like I had control of many things in my life, I started feeling like *everything* was out of my control. I started blaming other people for what was going on in my life, or I acted like things that were happening were simply things that were out of my control.

The thing is, I used to be a proactive person. And I was still preaching that idea to my friends and family.

I never 100 percent pushed over the edge to complete victim. As a matter of fact, I was still doing quite well at handling myself professionally, taking steps to ensure that I remained in control of my destiny, even if it was a different destiny than I had in mind a few years ago. But, I came quite close in my darkest days to going all the way over.

Today, it was such a relief when I fully realized once more that I can control my reactions. Sure, I can’t control things that are going to happen no matter what, but I can control how I choose to react to it. I can take everything in stride and still remain positive, or I can make it be the worst thing that’s ever happened and let it completely smash my mood.

No one is perfect and proactive all of the time. And I still don’t feel like I’m completely solidified in the idea once again. After all, it’s only really been a few hours since I had my moment of realization.

But I do really feel like I’m finally taking the steps I need to get back on track and get back to the person who believed in herself even when others didn’t.

I often wonder how my generation and the ones after will primarily communicate in the future. I also wonder what behaviors will become commonplace because of changing technology.

Lately, it’s become a game of mine to watch how other people are interacting with one another at restaurants. All too often, I see a group of people sitting at a table, feverishly thumbing away at their smart phones and completely ignoring those around them. It seems that everyone would rather be talking to someone else rather than the person sitting right in front of them.

I once had an argument with my husband while we were out to dinner because he was playing on his iPhone while I was sitting there doing nothing. I confronted him, saying it was rude and that he should actually be talking with me rather than playing on his phone. But I must confess, I’ve done it to him and other friends, and my friends have done it to me. I once sat with a  group of friends and laughed silently as I watched my three other companions all typing away at their phones. At times when I’ve seen this, I’ve even pulled mine out, quipping, “I suppose I should just join in!” when I’ve felt left out.

This type of behavior has become commonplace, particularly among my generation, the 30-somethings and my younger sister’s teen generation. It’s simply just not seen as rude to whip out your phone and answer a text while simultaneously checking your Facebook, Twitter and chatting with your lunch date.

Although we may not think of it this way at the time, the signal we are giving off to our companion is that everything else is more important than that person at that moment. Or else you are giving the impression that the person you are with is somehow less entertaining than the people who aren’t there. And it shouldn’t be that way. If you are out physically spending time with someone, there’s no reason to be digitally entertaining someone else.

Certainly, if it’s just a quick reply, a genuine emergency, or something work-related, it’s harmless to answer a text or e-mail. But if it’s simply a matter of holding a digital conversation with someone else when your mind should be devoted to the person you are with, it’s just plain rude.

I am 100 percent guilty of being out to lunch with someone and spending a ridiculous amount of time with them texting, checking my Facebook or Twitter. And when I really analyze that, I’m ashamed of myself.

Usually, when I hear my text message alert chime or hear the ding of a waiting e-mail from my iPhone, I’ll assess the situation. Is the person I’m with also checking his or her phone? Am I expecting an answer to a question I need? Is the person texting me someone who I know will need my immediate attention (to which I might argue that he or she should just call me… rarely is there an immediate answer needed for a text, or you wouldn’t text).

But realistically, I know I should not be basing whether I answer a text on if the other person is doing it. After all, that’s only continuing the behavior. I know I need to be the example and do what I think is the polite thing to do.

I’m going to try to keep these things in mind this week when I’m out with people.

I read a fact this week from an uncredited source that people are 85 percent more likely to achieve their goals if they write them down. (Also, 60 percent of people are unimpressed by statistics.) So that’s what I’m going to do.

And I apologize in advance for the stream-of conscience format of this post.

Sometimes you’re just stuck in a rut and you don’t know how to get out. You know what? I’m there.

I’ve spent so much time the last few months obsessed with change and bettering myself and trying to figure things out that don’t make any sense. It’s occupied so much of my time and energy that it has started to consume every action I take.

In my quest to become a better person, I’ve almost started to forget about the things that made up Laura in the past — the Laura everyone used to love.

A few months ago, when I first started talking to people about some of the issues I had, many of them said they had no idea. I used to not talk about these things. I was a very private person, and I kept so many things to myself. That was probably a mistake. You can’t keep things bottled up, because then it all just explodes out one day.

And that’s exactly what happened to me. It all exploded out. As a matter of fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment and on whom it all exploded.

And since then, it hasn’t stopped. I’m reminded of “Mean Girls,” when the main character talks about “word vomit” and how she can’t stop it from coming out. I feel like that’s been me the last few months. I don’t *want* to talk about myself, but, somehow, I realize at the end of the day that I talked about myself all day.

Now I’m going to take control.

One thing every single one of my friends knows is that they can call or text me any time with a problem, and I will drop everything I’m doing and listen. Over the years, I’ve almost become an expert listener. I’ve come to be able to recognize when to give advice and when to keep my mouth shut. I know when someone needs a hug and when they don’t want you to touch them (that’s rare, by the way).

In the last year, I’ve fielded a good dozen calls or text conversations from various upset friends. And half of those have been at 2 in the morning.

One of my friends told me once that a good friend is someone you know you can call at any time, and they’ll just listen. I was so happy when she told me she felt that way about me.

Truly, there is almost nothing I like more than when I can give comfort. Nothing. I feel completely fulfilled just knowing that they are letting everything out on me and I am taking it all in for them. They need a person to talk to, and I’m a listener. I don’t pretend to have wise advice. Heck, I’m only 25. What do I know? I don’t have more than 10 years’ experience in anything except singing!

The benefits of that have been reciprocated. I have been able to talk to my friends about my problems. And though I’ve made absolutely no sense the last few months and have swung back and forth more wildly than a pendulum, they’ve been there.

I can feel the patience starting to wear thin. And that realization has been the turning point.

I have so many people I can call truly good friends. I’m going to go out on a limb and say I have at least nine people in my life that I would give that title to. There are NINE people I can turn to no matter the issue. NINE. Most people are lucky if they have one.

I am so completely lucky in love. I have so much love in my life, and I don’t know how I lost sight of it.

I don’t want to lose any of my friends because I’m being selfish and melodramatic. I hate drama. Yet in the last few weeks, I have been more dramatic and outlandish than the people I know that I avoid specifically because I think they are too dramatic. And frankly, looking back at all of that, I feel completed ashamed in myself.

I have so many blessings in my life. I have a great job that 25-year-olds just aren’t supposed to have, and I feel secure in an industry that very few feel secure in. I have a completely adoring husband who is putting up with everything ridiculous I throw at him. I have a family who loves me and has supported me through everything. I am healthier than I have ever been in my life. I have a TON of friends, so many that when I used to throw parties, I couldn’t even figure out how they would all fit in the house, even if they migrated to the upstairs too (they even filled up the massive house I was living in before… that’s saying something!). I am in a financial situation where I can go back to school and earn another degree if I wanted.

I have everything. Absolutely everything. And I’m not going to ignore those things anymore. This is the absolute end of my rut. I’m not going to rely on anyone else to pull me out, because I’m getting out of this completely ridiculous, out-of-control mess on my own.

I haven’t failed at anything in my life, and I’m sure not going to start now.